Is the Idea of Being a 'Real' Man Threatened?

by Jeeah H.

(Note: I admit many may find the title confronting and disagree with my point of view, but please take heed that this is only subjective and from my own sociological views. I am not imposing on anyone to take this in fully. However, enjoy reading.)

In the last Sociology lesson, we came unto the subject of "masculinity in threat". Okay, I kid you not. It got me thinking, and I hope it gets the small minority of you reading this thinking as well, that really -- masculinity is in threat. In Sociology, we call this the foundation of the New Man and the dying out of the Alpha Male, in reflection to the growing symmetrical society that is no longer (fully) patriarchal. The New Man basically is a new generation of men who do not live in fear to show their feminine side such as be concerned with their looks, sensitive on the topic of love, not minding to do the housework... Well, you get the picture. Don't confuse them with homosexuals, though. Basically, they hold the believe that the barrier between men and women have diminished.

But this new concept brings a risk with it. Masculinity is in threat. With the New Man, what is the definition of being masculine then? What is the meaning of being a Man? There is no clear cut definition anymore, and if there is any particular group of people who feel more at peril due to this it would be the men themselves.

Let's face it. No matter how much feminine ways a man may not demur to adopt, they'd still want to be taken seriously as a male. Dominating, superior. Even in the slightest amount. 

I'll take Korean Pop as my case study on this topic.

Although that definition is often only associated with women, expressing or showing aegyo i.e cuteness is very popular in K-Pop amongst the males as well. Male idols are also encouraged to show off aeygo in variety shows, interviews and music videos. Similar to the girls, some male idols love to show off how cute they can be. Nonetheless, there are some who cringe and refuse to act soft or cheesy.

Boy bands' most common concepts are to look edgy, powerful and masculine -- LIKE A MAN. Their stage presence is oozing with charisma via ab flashing, muscle flexing and hip thrusting moves that would make fan girls all over the world swoon. I’m talking massive athletic, sporty or strong concepts in their dance moves coupled with the dark, mysterious aura they may also have to bring. This completely contrasts to when idols show aeygo and act adorable. This may be in the form of a wink, eye smile, acts of modesty or even to simply talk softly. The men in the K-Pop industry today have to cover either two concepts which are at both ends of extremes:

HYPER MASCULINE <- MALE IDOL -> FEMININE (CUTE)

Male idols showing aeygo may often be accused of being too girly, then having their sexuality questioned and discussed by netizens. Where do we draw the line? I mean, it’s a bit unfair to judge these idols, having to go from one extreme to the next. From ripping their shirts off to sucking in their cheeks making cute peace signs, sure the change is refreshing but this leaves a lot of fans confused and feeling the pressured to act the same. Say, Boyfriend. They debuted with a fresh face, innocent and pure, cute and young -- but some may call this feminine. Not soon after, they made a comeback with a military concept; strong and powerful and disciplined. A paradox?

Seeing as fans aspire to be like them, how should they act? What’s also not helping are popular K-Pop comments such as “______ oppa is so perfect that it has raised my expectation on men and I will never find anyone as perfect as him”. This may bring confusion to the men: what is the perfect specimen; those showing off innocent aegyo or oozing with prideful masculinity?

The New Man doesn't solely come in the form of aegyo but also revived chivalry. Often in times when we watch Korean dramas we'd notice how romantic and sensitive the male leads can be. How is this feminine and threatening masculinity, you may ask. Well, traditionally, men were never the ones playing an instrumental and emotional role. It was the women. But today we see a growing number of men amongst the 3D population following in the footsteps of these dramas to please their female companion; going against their pride and not being afraid to show their inner romantic self.

Some may choose to see that embracing their feminine side as becoming more acceptable in today's society and view it positively. Hence, the coming of the age of the New Man. But how about those who do not mind being a New Man but still prioritize their masculinity?

This then brings me to the next issue. It's true that self esteem issues in the media often revolve around females, for example body image, extreme dieting, bulimia, anorexia and etc. However, young male fans also feel pressure to act or become like their favourite idol. Prejudices against females with less than perfect figures are dominant underneath society’s surface but neglect the same kind of pressure that exists for young male fans to have abs and be muscular. Also because of the growing trend for men in the K-Pop industry to sport a sophisticated look, wearing suits and ties or bows, men today may be struggling to achieve that image of which most women today may classify as ideal.

And believe me, saying the same kind of pressures exist for the majority of men is becoming more and more true. 

Most songs by male idols are also more expressive; weaving stories of love and heartbreak. This goes to show that they are not afraid to express themselves in terms of emotions, something a man would traditionally hide. Also, with male idols being admired for their all-round ace attitude and skills, it is a no brainer that male fans aspire to become like them. With gentlemanly idols regarded high for their suave and gallantry and beastly idols praised for their chocolate abs and sculpted bodies (let me stress on this, REQUIRES CHALLENGE AND COMMITMENT TO ACHIEVE) it is fast becoming the norm, and raising expectations of K-Pop fans within the fandom. Men may be torn in between of being both, courteous or stringent, one completely contradicting the other. Femininity vs Masculinity. I'm not saying it'll cause psychological conflicts within oneself (though possible) but it threatens a man's idea of being a man. Which should he be? One or the other? Or a little bit of both? What if one overweights the other and it doesn't fulfill the term of being a man? What is 'being a man'? Women's increasingly higher expectations of a man does not help either.

Of course, most men may opt to choose the latter, a more 'masculine' men. Defining it with the 'perfect' body. Male idols have these sculpted-like bodies from working out hard intensely and essentially their career revolves around their image. Take 2PM for example. Since their debut until today, their image has always been to 'manly', carrying a dominating aura that gives off a dark air. And if you've noticed lately, every other K-Pop bands have followed suit. Infinite, B2ST, MBLAQ... As they are always in the public eye, they have to take care of their bodies for not only their health and well being but they also make a living out of it. Think crammed schedules with fashion shoots, advertisements, concept photos, MV recording and performances. Comparing your own body to an idol's is out of the question, these people have physical trainers, hair dressers, a dietitian and a dermatologist waiting on them to achieve their image. Abs don’t just appear over night, these Idols work hard over a long period of time to get this and it doesn’t come easy. JYP even got the boys of 2OneDay and other male trainees to undergo a military-like training before their debut!

How does this relate to masculinity in threat? Doesn't this help overcome it? NO. It is the after-effect or result of having masculinity threatened. Because the perspectives on masculinity have been overruled lately, this brings about the need to up the ante. Take it to the extremes. Strengthen the almost extinct view of being masculine.

Okay, personally, I believe it is perfectly fine to work out. Even more, it’s absolutely essential to exercise. However, if the drive stems from having a negative body image, the issue may develop over time and may be difficult to reverse.

Symptoms:

§  low self esteem, break down of relationships

§  lying about food, skipping meals or feeling uncomfortable eating with others

§  over exercising up to 2-4 hours a day

§  your body image is interfering with your education, family, social life

§  unhappiness

I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist or therapist or professional motivational speaker. But as a student, I know that having these personal problems may disrupt your life mentally, primarily the ability to study. And as AS/A Level candidates, this is extremely dangerous. So, here are some suggestions on improving your self esteem I think may help:

§  Weigh yourself on the scales less often, the little ticker won’t move down even if you stand on it after 10 minutes. Even if you check it in the morning of each day, you'll get the same disappointing results that'll only demotivate you if you don't do something about it. If your weight (mass? I'm strict with scientific concepts. Heh.) isn't to your liking, step off the scales and do some...

§  Exercise! Instead of doing lone work-outs, take up a sport that is rather social like tennis, basketball, and football that engages yourself in teams. Not only is it more fun, it'll distract you from having those constant negative thoughts that you must (excessively) do more laps to burn out those extra (non-existent) fats. I'm not saying it's wrong to work out, don't do it too zealously. Or executing a few laps on the tracks or swimming alone, like I said, not too ardently. A moderate amount is enough for each day.

§  Have more than one motivation to work out like say, for your own personal health! Or for releasing stress, etc. DO NOT MAKE LOOKING LIKE AN IDOL YOUR FIRST AND FOREMOST MOTIVATION.

§  Treat your body with respect; eat healthy, exercise healthy and be happy! 

As for embracing your feminine side, there is totally nothing wrong with. It doesn't emasculate you or make you any less of a man. Be whatever that is comfortable with you. In the words of Pink, "You are fcking perfect to me."

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